My nephew was offered a job by a major bank and he called me to let me know. He was a little nervous and wanted some advice. Craig is a very bright guy and occasionally tells everyone within earshot. I suggested two simple rules, the first is, people do not want to know how much you know, they want to know how much you care, and the second was, show up to work early every day ready to work. 3 years and 6 or 7 promotions later, Craig let me know that work was easy because he followed those two rules. He was stunned at how many people just go to collect a paycheck and their work results were at best mediocre. Many of these people have had the same job and are envious of Craig because of his several promotions.
Love is like that. People wonder why their relationships fade, why they feel unhappy or why their love is unrequited. I guarantee the answer is they stopped focusing on their actions. Some folks, men in particular, are alarmed whenever I say something that they think means dramatic change have to be made in order to have a different outcome. You already know what to do and most of us have already acted the right way.
Remember when you first started dating someone seriously. A face in a crowd would remind you of your love and your heart would jump. You would stop breathing, hoping it was them you were about to bump into. Your hand went up in the air to get their attention and your world felt like a ray of sunshine was encompassing you while everyone around you was in shadows. Is it, could it be, please let it be.... As you approached, ready to shout their name you realized no, not this time. As the excitement dialed down, you pretended to wave to someone else, but the sheer joy of the possibility left you walking on air, wanting to make sure you could see them soon.
We have all experienced that feeling. We have all planned our next encounter with the person we are falling in love with. We have all loved on purpose, with intention so why did we stop?
For some reason we feel that we have reached the goal. We are in a relationship just like all our friends are. What we have forgotten is our love is not a house or a car or a vacation, it is a living sentient being who loves us back. What would happen if for the next 21 days you did something on purpose, in a loving way, without expecting anything in return?
21 days is the length of time it takes to form a new habit. What if your new habit was loving someone on purpose? Love is an inside job. The more you love the more love you have to give away. When you are busy loving your partner your relationship does not fade, you feel incredibly happy, and your love is requited. Try this: Instead of the kiss peck when you say good bye to each other, stop, put your arms around them and kiss them until their socks fall off. When you come up for air tell them you are really looking forward to coming back after work for more. What a great day you will have. Live the life you were meant to, with love all the time.