3 Steps to Improve Your Sex Life

Fact: If you have to ask, ”Was it good for you?”, you already know what the answer is.

Having great sex in a long-term committed relationship isn’t hard, but it does take some intention. The endorphin rush from loving your partner with intention makes the effort seem easy and natural.


3 Steps to Improve Your Sex Life

Here are some of the first steps you can take to improve your sex life:

1) Experiment!

Much of our daily lives are spent in a rut which we have little control over. Getting to work, working someone else’s job plan, lunch at your desk or with the same people, getting home, cooking dinner…it’s all the same every day.

Is your sex life just as boring? Time to experiment. There is nothing wrong with the occasional “quickie”, but that should not be the norm.

Campbell’s Soup once made a great commercial that started with a couple energetically exercising between the sheets. The man looks completely satisfied and lays back in bed, while she puts on a robe and walks into the kitchen. As she walks through the door, the chime sounds on the microwave oven. She opens the door and pulls out a bowl of steaming soup. The caption at the bottom of the screen reads, ready in 2 minutes or less.

Don’t let that be you.

You never know which position or aide will make the experience better until you’ve tried it. Be creative! What happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.

The worst that can happen is you both start laughing when the whipped cream starts running. The best that can happen is you start planning your next adventure. The anticipation is wonderful.

2) Realize Lust and love Are Not Incompatible

A comedian was talking about the differences between men and women. He asked a lady in the front row if she was in a job where men passed in front of her work station frequently. When she said yes, the comedian then asked her if she ever had a quick fantasy about any of the men. Five minutes later, after the laughter died down, she replied, “A couple of times a day”.

The comedian thanked her for being so honest, and then said to her, “You are my 221st just today!”

Most women (especially those with children) worry about many things they have no control over, which makes it hard to focus on romantic thoughts. They do many tasks every day because they love their families, but many of those repetitive jobs become boring and routine.

Lust can still exist in a long-term relationship when you love your partner on purpose. All we men have to do is occasionally stop and thank her for her thoughtfulness.

That act of love on both sides turns to lust. As the love for your partner increases so does the lust. Moments like that lead to great sex.

As for guys, particularly young men, there is a certain muscle that really enjoys being exercised (the more the better.) But things change as we age, and we start to need more intimacy. We need a safe place where there is no competition and we can feel loved unconditionally.

When that happens, lust occurs, and the sex is more than exercise!

3) Celebrate

Communication with your spouse should be much more than how was your day, or what do you want for supper or was that good for you. You need to understand why and how your partner wants to celebrate, and there is a very good chance they will be different in both. In my book, Love Your Wife, I spend two chapters on identifying moments of celebration and how to celebrate those moments.

For example, I have a close friend of over 40 years. He announced to his wife that he was going to take her on a 4-day weekend to the city of her choice, giving her a list to choose from. Sounds great, doesn’t it?

Five days later, she had not responded and he phoned me to ask why. He did not like the answer. His idea was not only would she pick the city, but that she would then arrange the transportation, the accommodations, the restaurants and the events to keep them busy. What a magnanimous offer — you do all the work for the trip I am taking you on!

He called back later to tell me what city she selected and wanted me to guess from a list. Before he finished the list, I named the city, and he was shocked. “How did you know?” he asked.

My answer? Because I listen to what she talks about.

Rather than them feeling anxious or embarrassed and ultimately very unsatisfied about the celebration, (how much sex would that lead to?), find out what makes her happy, do all the preparations, iron out all the details and perhaps even surprise them. I guarantee the thank you sex will be great.

By the way, sex is always better when there is no fear of interruption. Take moms away from the house every once in a while!

As always, remember you are not in this alone. Send me your questions and I am happy to respond!