Have You Ever Had An Ear Worm?
For a musician, an ear worm is when a song or a phrase repeats through your mind even after it’s no longer playing. Tori Kelly’s song First Heartbreak is my current ear worm. Channel 13 on XM plays this song frequently. I really like the music, the way Tori delivers a brilliant performance, even though I hate the lyrics, I cannot stop singing it to myself. Here is some of the chorus:
'Cause for the first time I get worried
When I'm lookin' in your eyes
That one day you might leave me
And it keeps me up at night
I guess that means I really love you
'Cause I'm afraid to make mistakes
On the surface this seems like a reasonable lament, however the problem is she has no control over the person she is singing to. Love is an inside job. Love only grows when you love someone else with intention, loving on purpose. The other partner in this relationship will make their own decisions about what to do with your love. You cannot be afraid of making mistakes because there are no mistakes when all of your actions are rooted in the love.
If the other person in your relationship is so controlling that a mistake would cause them to love you less, then you need to leave that relationship now. There is no future, no safe future in that relationship. The number of abused men and women in relationships are much higher than statistics tell us, because the majority of abuse is not reported. One of the primary reasons for not reporting abuse is we convince ourselves that the reason for the verbal, physical or mental abuse is a mistake we have made. If your love is pure, not manipulative, then the reaction from your partner is their responsibility, not yours. You should not accept the abuse in any form it comes, and be prepared to leave if there is not an adjustment in your partners behavior. For some insane reason we think saying yes makes us a better person when the reality is saying no defines who we are. Even in love, the boundaries of acceptable behavior need to be clearly understood by both partners.
Tori, thanks for how well you performed the song, it has been running through my mind the entire time it took me to write this blog and I will sing it in the shower but I will have to change the chorus to:
For the first time I sense something
When I 'm looking in your eyes, that your love for me is dying
and it keeps me up at night.
All I can do is love you the best way that I can
And if you choose to leave me, it must be part of a grander plan.